Fitness guru Jillian Michaels has an article in Glamour titled “5 Things You Shouldn’t Give A Sh*t About In Life,” and it’s better than the magazine’s usual canned offerings from celebrity guest columnists. In her piece, Michaels shares the personal experiences, some of them painful, that helped her realize what matters and what doesn’t in life.
With a little help from our friend a relationship expert and life coach Alex Wise from Loveawake we decided to make our own list.
Things you shouldn’t give a shit about in life:
1. What other people have
Once we wrote about comparison being the thief of joy, and Michaels echoes that sentiment. “Want a surefire way to make yourself feel like sh*t?” she says. “Play the comparison game.” Instead of getting caught up in what others have, she advises, “Stop and ask yourself, ‘How do I feel in this moment? Am I happy? Or not?'”
2. What other people think
Fact: no matter what you do, or how well or ethically or conscientiously you do it, someone will disapprove. Even Mother Teresa had her detractors. We cannot control other people’s opinions of us, nor should we try. When you base your choices on what others think, you’re giving their opinion more power than your own. Do what you think is good and right, and stop worrying about who approves.
3. What other people do
While you are doing what you think is good and right, give others the same courtesy. Why do we expect other people to live by our standards? You won’t always like or understand the things that others do, but does that matter? Judging others is a tedious and tiring enterprise. Focus on your own life.
Success always requires risk, says Jillian Michaels. “You will fail, you will be rejected–plan on it.” Learn to view failure as “an entry point for learning, Whether it was a relationship that fell apart, the job you got fired from, or the opportunity you didn’t get, your task is to find out what you needed to learn.”
5. Having a perfect childhood
Michaels talks about being a fat kid who was bullied by her peers. “If I hadn’t been, I wouldn’t have the empathy for the underdog that makes me good at what I do.” When you think about your past, she suggests, “Look at how the things that hurt you made you stronger, how they created all your quirkiness, your talents, your creativity.” And your individuality.
6. The past
You screwed up. Welcome to the human race. Accept responsibility for your mistakes, learn from them, then move on. Let others off the hook, too. No one is perfect. Forgive people, yourself included, and move on.
7. Being different
Michaels: “Being uniquely you is truly your one obligation on the planet. You have two choices: live a lie and hate your life, or you live your truth and occasionally feel insecure about it. The more you let that freedom flag fly, the more comfortable you’ll feel in your own skin.”
8. Waiting for the perfect time, situation, partner, etc.
Perfection is a lie. “Don’t wait to live your life. You gotta smell the roses,” says Michaels. “Take the trip. Go to the movie. See the play. Otherwise life sucks. It becomes all work. It doesn’t make you dull, it makes you miserable.”
It’s okay to give a shit; just be sure you’re giving it to the right things.